


5 Times Raj Was Desperate, and One Time Alaric Was

by MeganKray99



Series: Basic Bitching [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Chapter Will Have Warning, He wants the Alardick, I hate myself, M/M, Minor Discussions of Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Raj is desperate af
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2018-09-26 03:29:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9860258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeganKray99/pseuds/MeganKray99
Summary: Raj doesn't know why he is so eager to see him again, or why he makes him feel the way he doesor5 times Raj was desperate for Alaric, and one time Alaric was desperate himself





	1. Raj is Desperate To... Join the Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> For background context, please read part 1 of this series  
> Although the last one could be ready as brotp, this one DEFINITELY cannot  
> This ship is slowly ruining me
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

_This is so boring_ , Raj thought to himself.

Lydia had gathered a group of Shadowhunters together to bring them up to date with all the small incidents that had taken place recently involving Downworlders. There wasn't many people Raj was too familiar with, although there was a couple he didn't mind conversing with if it was necessary, and a few he would avoid on occasion, such as Alec and Isabelle Lightwood. Since none of the information interested the dark-haired man, he had decided to only half pay attention to Lydia's rambling. Besides, he could catch up later when it became relevant.

Some faerie had done something.

Blah blah, vampire, blah blah.

The New York pack was coming to Instit- _Wait._

Raj's interest suddenly peaked. He quickly tuned into the briefing.

"- so although Lucian Graymark assures us that the pack have the situation under control, it would still be in our best interests to obtain a debriefing of the events. Both Luke and Alaric will be attending a meeting here tomorrow in order to-"

"I'll help!" Raj loudly declared to the entire room. Everyone turned to face him, frowning in his direction. Alec had raised his eyebrow in that judgemental way of his that comes so naturally. "I-I mean, I can help you. With the... The meeting, if you require it."

Lydia continued to stare at him strangely. "Okay... Moving on."

Raj, yet again, ceased listening to her words, focusing on regaining his dignity and trying to stay nonchalant. Once Lydia appeared to be finished and everyone was dismissed, he headed straight for the door in order to avoid any more unwelcome looks. Unfortunately, Izzy managed to block the doorway moments before he reached it.

"Raj." She greeted bluntly. Instead of responding in kind, Raj decided to just nod in her direction and attempt to move around her, but she was too quick. "Why were you so desperate to be in this meeting? Why do you want to see the pack so badly?"

Raj scoffed, pretending to look affronted. "I'm not! Can I not just offer to help my boss with a meeting with out being accused of having ulterior motives?" He walked past her and into the corridor.

"Does it have anything to do with that dopey smile on your face from the last time you went to see the werewolves? Remember, when you went to Jade Wolf?"

Raj stopped in his tracks. _Why am I so eager? I mean, I had fun last time, but... Why do I want to see him again so badly?_

Rather than answer, Raj continued walking away, ignoring Izzy calling his name.


	2. Raj is Desperate To... Get to the Meeting

After inspecting himself in the mirror one last time, Raj decided to leave his room. It was still relatively early, but he wanted to ensure he was alert and prepared enough for the meeting, so he gave himself enough time to make himself presentable. Besides, if Raj wanted to look nice, it was for his own benefit - it didn't mean anything, of course. As he exited the room, a fellow Shadowhunter turned the corner.

"Ah, Raj, there you are. I was coming to tell you that Lucian Graymark arrived early, so Lydia wants you there as soon as-", but Raj had already picked up the pace, practically running past the confused Shadowhunter in his rush to get to the meeting. Yes. The meeting. He was a competent man with no ulterior motives. (He could just picture Alec's eyeroll).

He rushed to the entrance, but stopped before he reached the end of the last corridor. Leaning against the wall, he gave himself a moment to collect himself and steady his breath, then calmly walked into the main room, where he saw Lydia, Luke, and Alaric politely making small talk as they waited for his arrival.

"Good morning," he tried to greet casually. Luke repeated the sentiment, and Lydia nodded in acknowledgment. Alaric smiled lightly, then looked away. Raj glanced past Alaric to see Izzy chuckling and shaking her head at the interaction.

"Shall we?" Lydia asked, before leading the group further into the institute. Luke immediately followed, but Alaric merely went to stand beside Raj, who had yet to move.

"Good work out?" he joked. Raj looked at the older man, frowning in confusion.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"You're breathing weird, like you've been exercising, and your hair's a mess." Alaric pushed Raj's hair off his forehead offhandedly to prove his point. When he dropped his hand back in place, he paused as if he had just realised something. "Un... Unless, you were..."

Suddenly understanding Alaric hint, he shouted "No!" in a boisterous, undignified manner, catching the attention of the surrounding Shadowhunters. He swore he could hear Izzy laughing in the distance. "No, I was in the training room. I wasn't..."

"Okay," Alaric stated, ending the discussion. "We should catch up with those two."

Remembering why he was there, Raj nodded, and hurried to follow, trusting Alaric to follow.


	3. Raj is Desperate To... Thank Alaric

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Minor details of violence
> 
> Also, I couldn't remember (or find any images of) Alaric being in full wolf-form in the show, so I found random pictures of wolves on line and based my description off them.

In the weeks following the meeting, Raj and Alaric talked frequently – partly because of the aid the Institute agreed to extend to the pack to track down the rogue werewolf, but also on a personal level. Occasionally, after Luke and Lydia discussed the newest developments in the case, they would go out together to relax and vent about their various stresses, usually in relation to their superiors. Raj found himself looking forward to the days where he could see Alaric… to vent, of course. Not for any other reason. Especially not to see the way his mouth quirked into a smile during a particularly interesting story, or the interest in his eyes as Raj describes his latest mission.

Damn, he's getting to attached to this man.

\---

_2 months later_

_\---_

Raj was running as fast as he could, trying to dodge the attacks thrown his way. It was a routine surveillance that should have been completely uneventful. But luck was rarely on his side.

The wolf was getting closer, and Raj lost the only weapons he had to defend himself a while back. All he could hope for was to find a safe place to stop before the wolf closed in. The Shadowhunter turned quickly around a corner, wishing that the change of course would throw off the wolf. The action did manage to give him a few extra seconds, but the creature was not so easily fooled, as it rapidly approached, effectively closing the gap between them yet again. Raj prayed deep within him that he could find a safe haven, losing the creature and saving himself from harm.

But luck was rarely on his side.

He felt the claws slice through his back, and he yelled out in pain. The Shadowhunter tried to keep running, using all of his stamina and strength to continue forward, but the wolf struck again, dragging its claws down his leg this time, thus bringing Raj to his knees. He managed to turn to face the wolf as it slammed into his body, sending his back to the ground, smacking his head against the concrete beneath him. The beast snarled, before opening it maw and latching onto his arm. The Shadowhunter's scream was almost deafening, echoing around the alleyway. He could feel the blood quickly rushing from his body as he struggled against his attacker. His limbs began to feel weak and heavy, and his head started to throb, his vision spinning.

When he heard the sound of another set of paws running towards them, he mentally sealed his fate, knowing there was absolutely no way he could fight against two of the beasts.

However, the next sound he heard was the squeal of the wolf on top of him before it was forcefully removed from above him, being flung down the alleyway.

Managing to lift his head, Raj saw the newest werewolf standing before him, his back to Raj, protecting him from his attacker. The two wolves stared at each other intensely, neither attempting to make the first move - the attacker feared the elder wolf. After a few moments, the older wolf howled, alerting the rest of the pack to their whereabouts. The other wolf (Raj began to presume that it was the rogue wolf they had been trying to track for over two months now) understood the danger it was in, and scampered off. Instead of chasing after it, the wolf turned to Raj, quickly approaching him and nuzzling his face against him. Raj weakly lifted a hand to rub the greyish-white fur, but he began to feel faint again, and his eyes slipped closed. The Shadowhunter heard the sound of the animal transforming, and when he managed to reopen his eyes, he saw Alaric's worried expression as he tried to pick up the younger man.

Raj smiled weakly, lifting his hand again, but this time he placed it on Alaric's cheek.

"Hey," he whispered softly. He felt the older man lean into his hand briefly, before finding a better grip on Raj and lifting him into his arms and into the air.

"We need to get you to the Institute. You've lost a lot of blood". The panic is his voice was badly hidden.

"Why didn't you go after the other wolf? You could have stopped him."

Alaric looked at Raj with so much worry it made his heart hurt. "Someone else will get them. I need to make sure you're okay."

Raj looked into the eyes of the man he had grown fond of, eyes that were usually full of laughter or wonder, now filled with sadness and distress. Raj didn't want to be the person to make him look that way. He didn't want to be responsible for any pain this amazing being felt. Not when he should be thanking him for saving his life. Without thinking (and likely due to the massive blood loss), Raj leaned forwards and pressed his lips to the other man's.

But anything he felt from the kiss was short-lived as Alaric quickly pulled away, a new expression on his face - one worse than Raj had saw before. One Raj didn't want to think about. The nausea hit him again at full speed, as his vision started to blur as the last of his strength left him. His eyes slowly shut, as Raj slipped away from consciousness, and away from any feeling of happiness, fear, and...  ** _regret._**


	4. Raj is Desperate To... Apologise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, now that I'm back in the mood to write FanFics, I might actually get this finished *gasp*  
> I have deadlines coming up soon, so I might drift off again, but I am planning on ensuring that this fic (and my newest one) are finished within the next 1-2 months

His head was still throbbing, and the bright lights of the Institute infirmary were making it worse. Groaning at the pain, he tried to roll over so he could attempt to stand up. Unfortunately, one of his least favourite Shadowhunters was sitting at his bedside.

"I wouldn't get up so soon if I was you. The Iratze on your leg seems to be working, but it'll still be difficult to walk around". She hadn't even bothered to raise her head from her phone as she spoke to him, earning a glare from the injured man.

"I wasn't exactly planning on running around the city, if that's what you're worried about". He huffed and confused to lift himself up to sit at the edge of the bed. "What are you doing here? I doubt you actually care how I'm doing."

Izzy smirked as she finally looked at Raj. "I'm offended you would think so little of me," she said in a fake-concerned voice. Raj rolled his eyes and began to rub at his temples to ease the pain. "Regardless, I was asked to be here. To send updates and such". She looked back at her phone, continuing to type.

"Then tell Lydia that I'm awake. I need to speak to her about the case anyway."

The dark-haired woman chuckled. "Its not Lydia who asked. It was the man who brought you here. Luke's friend."

Memories came crashing back of the previous night. Alaric defending him, the feeling of the fur through his fingers, Alaric carrying him out of the alleyway, Raj leaning forward... Memories Raj would much rather have forgotten. "He probably wanted to make sure the pack wouldn't be in trouble for my injuries. Which they shouldn't be. Let him know I'm okay and that he isn't responsible."

Izzy raised an eyebrow in confusing. "What are you talking about? He seemed genuinely concerned for your well-being. Being here to check on you was the only way we could convince him to leave and find the rest of his pack, otherwise he'd probably still be sat here looking after you."

Raj shook his head in disbelief. That couldn't be true. He saw the look on Alaric's face, a look Raj never wanted to see again. "He wouldn't be. He hates me now," the man murmured. That caught Izzy's attention, and she walked over to the bed to sit beside him.

"Of course he doesn't. Why on Earth would he hate you? By the Angel, Raj, I've rarely seen anyone be so worried about another person's well-being when they barely even know each other. He cares about you."

Raj shook his head, refusing to accept her words. "You weren't there! You didn't see it! You didn't see that look!" He put his head in his hands, avoiding Izzy's gaze. "He was disgusted. I..." He swallowed away the lump in his throat. "I'm disgusting."

They sat in silence for a moment before Izzy placed her hand on Raj's back. It was the most sentimental they had even been with each other, both accepting the other's likely hatred towards them. The gesture was sincere, and Raj knew how pathetic he must have looked in that moment.

"Raj... maybe you're just projecting your own feelings of... whatever happened... onto him. Maybe your imagining his rejection of you so you don't have to deal with your own rejection of yourself."

Raj turned his head to the side enough to look at Izzy, who was watching him with a nonjudgmental expression. "Don't get all philosophical. This isn't one of those things where everything has a deeper meaning". The woman merely shrugged, not wanting to push him further. She had been through these things before with her brothers, so she knew that he would have to understand at his own pace. Continuing to rub his back, she let the silence wash over them, allowing him to be with his thoughts until he felt comfortable. The silence was pleasant enough that she almost missed his whispered "I don't want to lose him." Her hand paused for a second as she processed the words, then slowly continued its movements. "I just want to be his friend. He was the only one who understood," followed, slightly louder this time.

A smile graced Izzy's face. She stood up from the bed, Raj's head lifting to follow her. "I'll let everyone know you're awake. With the events of last night, its probably for the best that another meeting is called so everyone is brought up to speed."

Raj smiled back at her. "Thank you," he spoke, hoping the honesty of those words were understood. Izzy placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly - a gentle confirmation - before leaving the infirmary, and leaving Raj to collect himself.

\---

Alaric and Luke were greeted by Lydia as they arrived at the Institute. They had been called in earlier for a meeting about last night's events. Shortly after the meeting started, the door opened again to reveal Raj. Lydia ceased speaking when she saw him, and offered him a kind smile, though Raj was unsure why. "I'm glad you could join us Raj". Raj nodded lightly in response, before limping towards a seat at the opposite side of the table to the two pack members. He caught Alaric's eyes when they both looked up at the same time, but Raj was quick to avert his gaze.

The Shadowhunter managed to tuned out most of the meeting, his head still slightly in pain, and still being overly conscious of Alaric's presence. However, Lydia eventually called his name, bringing his attention back to the discussion. "Yes?"

"We were wondering if you could share your account of last night? Mr. Rodriguez discussed the events when he brought you to the Institute, but we would appreciate the details from your perspective." Raj looked across to Alaric, who was staring down at the table. He briefly wondered what the other man had told them.

"I was on regular patrols when I had a run in with a werewolf, who I presumed to be the rogue. I tried fighting, but eventually lost my weapons. It chased me through the city before managing to seriously injure me. That's when Alaric appeared and it ran away". The man in question finally looked up, and the two stared at each other. "The last thing I remember is being carried out of the alley." The wolf released a breath he didn't realise he was holding, though whether out of relief or disappointment, he wasn't sure. Raj assumed the former.

The rest of the meeting carried on as usual. Apparently, the rogue managed to avoid running into any of the other pack members, meaning that tracking them down remained a priority. Afterwards, they were dismissed, though Luke remained to speak to Lydia personally. The other two men caught each other's eyes again, so Raj lightly gestured for them to leave together.

Raj slowly walked Alaric to the front of the Institute, the silence stretching uncomfortably. Eventually, it became too much for Raj. "I'm sorry!" he exclaimed. Alaric jumped at the abruptness of his voice, then sighed.

"Look, Raj, I-"

"No, hear me out," Raj insisted. "I don't know why I did it. It was probably the blood loss or the stress of the situation, but I shouldn't have done it. You've been an amazing friend to me, and I didn't want to ruin that. I have no idea why I would do something as ridiculous as kiss you, but I just really hope that we could stay friends and just... forget it ever happened."

Alaric stared at him for a moment, mouth open slightly as he took it all in. "So... you didn't mean to do it?"

Raj chuckled. "Of course not. Why the hell would I do something like that. I'm not- Well, that's more of a Lightwood thing, don't you think?" He laughed, pushing Alaric's arm in a friendly manner. Alaric laughed slightly, but it didn't sound sincere.

"Right. Of course you didn't mean it. How stupid of me". He smiled at Raj, but it lacked its usual warmth. "Friends. Definitely. We can- yeah, we can be friends."

Before Raj could say anything else, Luke appeared. He looked between the pair suspiciously, then turned to Raj with a smile of his own. "I'm glad to see you're okay. I heard you were in a pretty bad shape. This one couldn't stop freaking out about it." He tapped Alaric's back, but he simply looked away. "We have to get back to the Jade Wolf, but we'll let you know if we find anything else."

Raj nodded in agreement, and shared one last awkward smile with Alaric before the wolves left.


	5. Raj is Desperate To... Be Friends

It took some time before things settled back into their normal routine. For the first few weeks, Alaric was too busy to come to their usual bar meetings, though Raj believed that he was just making excuses. Even the Shadowhunter still felt awkward, convincing himself of everything he told Alaric. Because of course he didn't mean it.

However, it was on the fourth week - before Raj could lose hope - that they met up.

The night went as usual. They drank, talked about their superiors, laughed at each other's stories, Raj paying far too much attention to the shine in the wolf's eyes as he laughed. All in all, things were normal.

This continued for a few more weeks, the routine falling back into place relatively smoothly. Then the rogue was captured.

Obviously this was joyous news. After the long, grueling case, and horrible injury of Raj, it was a relief to finally see it put to an end. It was cause of much celebration... including the addition of the others on the case.

They were at their usual bar, now considered a haven for the two men, but they were now accompanied by Luke, a reluctant Lydia, and a variety of werewolves who helped with the effort (none of the other Shadowhunters wanted to celebrate with the pack - even Lydia only came because of her role as head of the mission). Raj sat at the bar, listening to some of the excited chatter but mostly taking a moment for himself. It felt strange to have such a familiar and intimate place filled with so many other people.

Before long, a bar-stool was pulled out, and a werewolf sat beside him. A small smile graced Raj's lips. "Bored of them now?" he joked. Alaric smiled back, looking at the bar-top.

"Pretty much," he replied. "I'm sorry. They all invited themselves along. I would have said no, but-"

"Its fine". Raj reached out and placed a hand on Alaric's arm. The wolf looked up at him. "They're just over-excited. Its been a stressful time for everyone. So much has happened on this case that no one could have imagined". The implication of that sentence went unmentioned but certainly noticed, if Alaric's wandering eyes gave any indication. He looked down Raj's face, to the hand on his shoulder, then back to the bar.

"Yeah... definitely," he murmured.

Sensing the building tension, the kind they had worked so long to avoid, Raj took his hand away, and quickly searched his brain for a way to divert the conversation. He didn't have to search long before the man beside him spoke again.

"Maybe we should leave. Everyone being here, in this bar, feels weird, y'know?" Alaric was smiling at him again, more real than another time over the past four weeks.

"Where would we go?"

"Anywhere. We can just wander around for bit. The air might be good."

The two men stared at each other for a moment, Raj contemplating the offer. "Doesn't sound bad. As long as I'm not going to get attacked again." 

Alaric laughed, his entire face scrunching up, the laughter music to Raj's ears. "I'll make sure of it."

\---

The pair walked in silence, though it was comfortable and welcomed in this instance. Raj wasn't sure exactly where they were wandering to, but he followed Alaric, trusting him to not get them lost. 

This was everything he wanted. Just the two of them, the familiarity and comfort of them being together despite everything. Just for a moment, there is no Shadowhunter  and Downworlder conflict, no-one to tell them what to do or to disapprove of their actions. There is just them.

They reached a block of apartments when Alaric started to slow down, eventually coming to a halt in front of one of the doors. He hesitated for a second, before turning to Raj. The silence continued, the pair just watching each other. It was strange, but it was perfect.

"We need to talk."

And then it wasn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: The Alaric chapter - the final chapter *sad face*


End file.
